If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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