I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She swung at the pinata with crutches
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize