i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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