I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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