I looked at my own cervix.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
