he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
