New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
