I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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