The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
