if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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