Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
