Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
