For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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