If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
