I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
