You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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