sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
