I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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