mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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