woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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