I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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