mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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