Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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