I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
