my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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