Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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