I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
