Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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