Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
