I skipped work to stalk him.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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