did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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