Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
