I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
