good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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