I'm going to jail i love you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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