doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
