i will never coherently bang her
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
