just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
