We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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