you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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