im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
its not stalking. its research.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
