So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
