Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
