she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
