There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
