weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
