So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
