so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
