I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
