My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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