if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
