She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Shame - the story of my life.
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