Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
