that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
