you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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