so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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