apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
