How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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