If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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