so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
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I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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