Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
