she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
