adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
