I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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