Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
