I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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