you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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